Walruses, Baby Tigers, Sting Rays and Sharks!

Looking at the Sting Ray Exhibit



Flowers at the zoo



Isabella's favorite animal The Walrus

Isabella had fun touching the sting rays, posing in front of the sand sharks, looking at the new baby tiger and watching her drink from a bottle and touching the turtle.

Our Flowers and I'm actually keeping them Alive!

Isabella found a red butterfly

Holding the butterfly

Last week we planted a bunch of seeds and now we have some growth

Monet's Chicks

I taught this art lesson to Zachary's second grade class; however, much to my surprise my partner hung them up and called "Monet's Chicks"  What a title in an elementary school!

The Recovery

I look at the above photo and just love it!  My children are having fun playing at the beach and I'm blessed with another moment and day to witness them digging in the sand, finding beach treasures, laughing, and dirtying the car and house!  Life can't be any better then this!

The Walker life has not been dull, and many of you know that our life is typically far from boring!  It seems like every hour we have a new event and something new to share.  Most of you know that we have purchased a home in Puyallup.  We are excited and feel very secure about our upcoming move!  This home was meant for us!

As far as the recovery it has been going in a positive direction!  My blood pressure was 100/60 the lowest since the bleed!  I'm able to do the eliptical at the gym at a fairly hard pace for forty minutes.  My brain feels faster and I'm pleased with my gains.  I'm now also able to recognize and embrace the changes that the bleed  left me.  Some changes such as being thankful for life is positive; however, other changes such as my body getting tired faster and dealing with painful headaches at times are not always fun, but I'm tolerating them.  Swallowing can still be hard, but my body is adapting.  Emotionally I'm getting there but still working on dealing with bouts of depression and grieving the many losses that have occurred this past year and half.  However, I now understand that it has been impossible to work on recovering from a bleed let along dealing with the loss of loved ones and friends.  In other words I'm ok with where I'm at right now.  The whole recovery will continue, and what counts is allowing the healing to continue regardless of the amount of time it may take.

The loss of a High School Friend

A few weeks ago I found out that a High School friend was tragically killed in an accident in North Dakota.  Arden was a positive and upbeat person in life.  I truly enjoyed reading his posts on facebook and admired the love that he showed his wife and children.  After his passing, I was reviewing his previous posts and found these posts that he had just recently written.  I thought that I would share them on the blog.  I believe that Arden had mastered the test of life and that it was his time to return home.  I'm so thankful for my eternal family and that during the bleed it was not my time to return home yet.  Again another loss of a friend, and a reminder to me how precious Kirk, Zachary, and Isabella are to me.  The below quotes have truly caused me to ponder and reflect....

This is for my children Cole Mecham, Kaela Mecham, Austin, Ethan, and even little Levi." Live your life in a way that would make God smile, your family proud, and give you personal peace. Do that and your life will be a true success!! I LOVE MY KIDS, I LOVE MY WIFE Darcy Mecham, and I hope when my life is all said and done that God will smile and be proud of the way I have lived my life."

Darcy Mecham (and kids)... I'd like to share with you the quote that your loving husband (and Dad) recently "liked" from a post- "Every one of us has times when we need to know that things will get better...My declaration is that this is precisely what the gospel of Jesus Christ offers us, especially in times of need. There is help. There is happiness... Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying... It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come... Some blessings come soon, others come late, and some don't come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come."(Jeffrey R. Holland) I hope that brings some comfort knowing that your husband (and Dad) knows this to be true. — with Arden Mecham.

Our Water Babies

We took a break from packing and on the first warm Seattle day we went down to Salt Water State Park.  The  kiddos favorite place.

Isabella enjoying the sand

The water was glistening that day!

Zachary was finding starfish and sand dollars is two favorite things about the beach!

Looking for treasures!

Isabella in one of my old childhood dresses'

We have such cute kiddos!  We took this photo because Isabella is wearing one of my  dresses' that I wore when I was  4 years old!

Our Soon to be New Home

The front of the home.  It is the builder's last ranch style home and I love that there are no stairs!

This is the kitchen.  The builder included brand new black Whirlpool appliances.  My fridge is an ice-maker , is digital, and has a lock.  We also have a large walk in pantry.

Part of the living room with the gas fireplace.  We have Mohawk carpet with a nice carpet  pad.

Part of the Master Bath.  I have a large walk in closet, jetted tub, and dual sinks.  

Kirk's favorite part.  This house has a 10-2 warranty, which is a hard warranty for builders to obtain.   He is a quality builder which was key for us!

More photos to come in the coming days!

Creative Video made by our Lender. The kiddos love it!

 this video  Here are the links.
 a link to your video
The second one is Zach's favorite video because it has a car in it with Kirk's name on it!

"Let the Good Times Roll"

I miss my husband!!!!!  What a long five days!  Today has been the worst since Kirk has been gone.  Isabella vomited and I think the poor thing has a bladder infection.  She is so sad and grumpy and I know she must be in a lot of pain so I gave her a warm shower and some medication.  I debated about taking to urgent care tonight but decided to wait and take her to Dr. German tomorrow. I feel so bad for her!
Among my boxes Zachary decided to pack all of the silver ware and now we can not find it.  Today I had another neuro appointment and I tried to cancel it but neuro wanted to see me so we briefly went in.  Much to my amazement they took my blood pressure and it was 100/60 the lowest it has ever been since the bleed!  That was surprising since I'm sleep deprived and stressed out!  The gym must be helping!  Tonight I have now lost the car keys and have no idea where I put them.. Finally after the kiddos went to bed, I called Kirk and just started bawling.  I'm now counting the hours down until Kirk comes home!

I'm making this for Isabella's upcoming Birthday!

How To Make Fairies In A Jar

This is something everyone will love! Just imagine the look on your childs face when they see this.

FAIRIES IN A JAR DIRECTIONS:
1. Cut a glow stick and shake the contents into a jar.
2. Add diamond glitter
3. Seal the top
4. Shake hard

This is something they will never forget so its worth a little work on this one

The loss of a good college friend

Guest Book for Emily Golden – Online Guest Book by Post Register and Legacy.com.

Today I learned that a good friend of mine in college passed away.  I have not seen Emily for a few years, but she was a friend who I often thought about. 
I met Emily in the special education department at ISU.  We hung out together and studied together.  During her teen years, Emily became a mother to a wonderful baby boy.  When I met Emily, her baby had passed away but she would frequently speak very fondly of him and I always admired the love she had for her special needs Son and I thought that when I had children I hoped to share that type of love with my own children. 
Emily, I always admired your intelligence, wisdom, love, and your many talents.  I feel so blessed to have known you in this life time.  Whenever I think about my special education career, I always think of you because I knew you were a talented and gifted teacher.

Emily I pray that you have found the peace and love that you needed.  I hope that you are embracing your bundle of love in Heaven that I know that you deeply missed while you were on earth.  Thank you Emily for sharing your friendship with me.  You will be very missed!

Love,
Heidi

Connelly

My little cousin decided that he wanted to serve a mission for our Church and he is going to be serving in New Mexico.  Connelly is from the batch of cousins who are like my brothers and sisters so this for me is like sending my baby brother away.  We will not see him for two years and we will be able to get letters and e-mails from him about once a week. 

Today was the day he left. However, we are all proud and excited for him even though we will miss him like crazy!

Connelly was born when my cousin Sadie and I were Seniors in High School.  Technically speaking we would have been old enough to be his mothers, but in reality way to young to be his mothers so we are his very much older sisters and I will not say how old we will be when he returns! 

Connelly was a kiddo who had to work very hard in school and he was able to overcome several obstacles!  I do not think I have ever shared with him how much respect I have for him and his trials have become his true strengths.  Connelly has so much love to offer people and I know he has a deep love for our Savior.  I'm so excited for him to have all of these experiences!  He is a great 19 year old boy but when he comes back he is going to be a better man.

Dear Connelly,

You will read this post in about a week.  Like I said above we are so happy for you!  Connelly I know this mission will bring blessings to your life now and well into the future.  You are such a strong example to all of us.  The people in New Mexico are lucky to have you!  I will even keep the blog updated so you can read about our fun and eventful lives in Seattle!  We love you and are thinking and praying for you.  We are so proud of you!  Ok Con we are now done with all of the mushy stuff!

Love,

The Sleepless in Seattle Fam!!!

Another Celebration

Since I announced my news on facebook, I thought I should also share it on the blog.  I went to the doctor the other day and I'm now free to do whatever I want, for however long I want, and entirely on my own at the gym!  Let me tell you this brought music to my ears!  It has been 17 months full of restrictions and I now get to fully go back to all of my prior excercise routines.  Some people dread the gym, I love it!  For privacy purposes, I have elected to go to a different gym.  Too many people at my home gym would ask me sometimes well intention questions about what happened to me, and how it was "so sad that I had to start over again to gain back my super fit body."  I heard that comment several times and at first I would ignore until I realized that this bothered me and there was another layer of the bleed that I needed to confront, and even cry about.

In my times of trial I try to look for the good and what I'm learning from all of this.  I have found many positive things about the bleed and have recognized God's hand.  However, today as I was driving down 132nd  I started to thinking about how angry I felt because I now have to start at square one to get my body back to where it was prior to the bleed and this time not only did I have my thyroid against me I'm now on beta blockers which one of the main side effects is weight gain.  However, the beta blockers I have to take probably for life because of the bleed.  In my mind I thought about seriously why did this even happen to me?  Up to the day of the bleed, I excercised six days a week, I could run five miles in 30 minutes, I was getting ready to take a ballet class with Isabella, my blood work was perfect, I did not smoke or drink, I ate well, and my depression that I had struggled with for years was finally lifting then the bleed happened.... 

When Kirk arrived home from work tonight, I was crying. He was like what happened?  I shared with him how I have loved going back to the gym and how good it felt to be doing my own workout routine again.  However, I told him that I recognized that I have a long ways to go to get my body back into shape from where I was and by golly I did not in any way ask for this to happen, and did not deserve the bleed.  The question was then posed why did this happen to a happy and healthy mother, who took care of herself?  I also shared with him how I resented the fact that I had to start all the way over and how I was not only battling thyroid issues but I was also battling beta blockers and yet I knew I had to take the medication because the headaches had to be controlled, and I could not afford to have another vein burst in my head let along an artery.  I shared with him how I would feel different if I chose to let my body go, but I did not choose the bleed and everything it brought to me.

After I got this out, I started to feel better and Kirk and I sat down together and started to formulate a plan.  It also helped that he recognized my feelings and told me that he believed why I maybe feeling this way is because on August 31st my life literally stopped and one of the main activities that I loved was taken.  However, he shared with me that my neuro-surgeon told him that he felt one of the reasons why I  lived that night was because my body was in such great condition.  Kirk assured me that however long it takes my body will be there and he thought that it was wonderful that I was attending a gym where nobody knew me and who I was prior to the bleed.  Tonight he encouarged me to drive back to the gym and to do an activity there that I loved.  As I walked into the gym, ironically I heard OneRepublic's song "Its Gonna be a Good Life" playing  I think that song will be my new gym and this year's main mantra.  When I arrived home, Kirk was reviewing photos from last year.  He showed me how far I had come since the bleed , and not to mention the losses we had to face. He also showed me the photo that was taken of me holding my cousin's new baby seven days out of ICU.  He pointed out to me that I still had a grayish look to my skin, but now to look at me today there is color to my skin.  He told me "Heidi you can do hard things and you will find greater happiness then you knew ever existed."

This week another milestone reached!  I still have no idea when I will be done processing the bleed, but that is not what is important.  What is important is I continue to allow myself to "feel" and work through my positive and negative feelings about the bleed. Kirk is right the night of August 31, 2011 my previous life stopped.  Grieving for something or someone is a rocky road.  In my case I'm grieving for my previous life and my Grandfather.  I soarly miss them both, but I have been given the opportunity this week to get back some of my old activities.  That is something I'm very grateful for.   

17 month process

Kirk's Garduation

Zach's baptism I was happy to be alive to see this!

The one year anniversary of the bleed.

recertified as a teacher

The book that really got me thinking about what happened to me.

The death of Kirk's mom and my first plane ride.

My Grandma and I at the graveside.

My Uncle Kevin and I

Isabella and resting four weeks after the bleed.

Our first family photo since the bleed in our Bishop's back yard.

This is the very first photo of me seven days out of ICU.  I'm holding my cousin's brand new baby .  I remember sitting a lot because my head was still hurting really bad and my legs were in horrible pain.  I was so thankful to be able to hold a new life!

This would be our final time we saw Grandpa Walker

My aunt Cherie and Cousin Sadie this was our first reunion since the bleed.

Kirk and I one week to the day of the bleed.

My Grandpa who I lost on Valentine's Day!  My heart broke that day because I could not attend his funeral since my doctors would not permit me to travel.  I was very close to him so by far this was one of my most challenging days.

The day I was able to drive!

All of our great friends and we celebrated Kirk's MBA

Holding my cousin's baby.  She was bigger then the first time I held her.

My first party that I attended with headaches

The first time I saw my Grandma since the bleed.

The first time I saw my Grandpa's grave.  It was that day that the reality hit me that he truly was gone.

Some of those fun deductive reasoning excercises

Mother's Day after the bleed.

Isabella enjoying candy that people would give her when they came to care for us.

My Brain.  The first CT after the bleed.

Tender Moment

This precious little girl of mine has taught me so many valuable lessons.  It is amazing the perspective children can give you.

The day of those terrible shootings Isabella came to me this was our conversation.

Isabella:  Mom those children went to live with Heavenly Father right?
Heidi:      Yes they did.
Isabella:   Mom I know those children are ok because they are now living with Heavenly Father and my Grandma Walker lives there too and she was a teacher, and I know she is helping Heavenly Father teach those kids.

After she spoke those words I sat back and reflected for the next hour.  I also e-mailed Kirk at work to inform him of what Isabella just shared with me. It was so amazing how she put all of this together. Her words and thoughts comforted many that day.

Icky Sickies

I have not had any time to post photos on the blog because the kiddos have been sick with influenza type a. Yes they each had a flu shot back in October and yet we are dealing with it.  Zachary was also diagnosed with Asthma and has to do breathing treatments which he dislikes.  This stuff has been nasty.  We are now at the stage where the kiddos are still not ready to go back to school, but are now fighting with one another and I think they miss school. 

I have been very fortunate and have not got it at least not yet.  Typically viruses like this miss me and instead I get rare things like brain bleeds.  Speaking of the bleed my recovery is coming along.  I'm doing several exercises.  They have increased one of my medication's to not only help with my depression but to also help with my attention.  My attention is improving but this medication is causing some more headaches.  Plus I also think it is stress.

Kirk has been doing ok.  He made it through the holidays since his mom's death.  Even though his mom had been struggling for the past few years it is still a difficult loss.  This Saturday would have been his mom's 59th Birthday. 

"The Piano Guys"

Recently I was given a CD called the "The Piano Guys" and I love it.  I have always enjoyed listening to different musical instruments. Here is the link.  My favorite is "Beethoven's 5 secrets"  The kiddos and I listen to this CD over and over again in the car.  They mix beethoven into modern music such as "One Republic" and "Adele" for example. What I like is it is clean and relaxing.    www.thepianoguys.cohttp://thepianoguys.com/portfolio/beethovens-5-scerets/m