Since being able to finally drive again, I have moved back to being a full-time Mommy again. I must say that during the past few weeks this has been a very taxing task, and I have experienced physical hardships that I did not plan on, and I'm finding that I have to take at least one nap a day. The other day, Isabella and I were at "Target" and she wanted to ride in the cart. When I went to lift her in the cart, I quickly discovered that I was unable too and in fact a person, who I knew was walking through the door and she quickly came over and placed Isabella in the cart for me. Another example is the other day, I was in PT and my therapist was working with neck muscles. During this time she noticed that my eyes were extra sensitive and had trouble tracking. I quickly told her that I had not got my sleep that day. She told me that each day I had to rest. I told her that it has been seven and half months since the bleed and I would expect to be back to myself. She had to kindly remind me I was still in recovery.
After experiencing these two circumstances I expressed to Kirk my frustrations. I went into a self-pity mode where I said that this was unfair and young mothers' do not experience strokes. Once again he had to remind me that this happened to me, but I was improving and had come along ways since August 31st, and my future was bright. He also said that nobody can completely understand what I have gone through except myself and my Savior. I thought about that statement and realized that I have been going through a personal sacred experience with my Savior. I thought back to Valentine's Day when I lost my Grandpa, and I felt deep sorrow and I wondered how I was going to get through the day? I had such a hard time not being able to personally say "Good-bye" to my Grandpa, and was angry that I had the brain bleed. I then did the only thing that I could do and I got my knees and and asked for the strength to get through the week. My prayer was answered and I was able to peacefully get through the week. Looking back to that week and previous hard weeks I believe that my Savior knew that I was weary and no longer could carry my burdens alone. I needed him by side and at times to carry me.
The one thing I have been learning from this entire experience, is that you can be the best planner, but life happens when you are busy making other plans. In many ways, the brain bleed continues to enrich my life. I appreciate the simple things in my life such as being able to lift a bag of groceries, reading a novel, playing with my children even if it is for a brief period of time, laughing with my friends, and even my neck heat pack that provides relief from my headaches. Speaking of headaches I love the below quote:
“The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.”
― Marjorie Pay Hinckley
Crying is also one of the main contributors to my headaches so my preference is to laugh too. Laughing is some of the best medicine
Thanks again for all of continued support. It has been a long journey, but each week it gets better.
