Our Star Player!

Here are photos of Zachary's team. I even got a photo of him shooting the ball into the basket! In our family he is our all star player! Way to Go Zachary!

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us!"

I saw this thought on FB the other day and it has caused me to reflect and ponder about life. Since the stroke, there are days that I'm angery and upset because I watch my other friends go on with their lives and are able to be fully active. I admit I'm jealous, but I know when I fully recover I will also be active again and never take my body for grant it. It is interesting how we all imagine how our lives are going to be, and yet never in our wildest dreams do we dream that when we are 36 years old with two young children and husband who works full time and is graduate school that one day we would have a stroke and suddenly our dreams would change My dreams have changed. I dream of the day when I'm able to drive again and I'm able to feel the left side of body. I also dream of the day when I'm off all of my medications and my head does not pound. There are many dreams I dream about right now. However, I know I must live with the reality that this happened to to a 36 year old woman with a young family, and darn it my plans did not happen. However, my life still has been enriched from this experience. I have learned to love and really live in each moment in life because you do not know when that moment will be gone. I learned to love my whole body and appreciate all of the functions that it gives me. I have learned to appreciate and treasure a loving spouse who does not give up or walks out because life has got too difficult. I have learned to love to hear my children's voices whether they are loud or soft. I have learned to treasure sacred conversations with my family and friends. I have learned to tell people that I love them because you never know if you will ever receive that opportunity again. I guess what I'm saying is even though the stroke was not in my plans it has been blessing because if it did not happen, I would not appreciate and know everything that I know now. Thank you Kaylee for sharing the thought!

My First Bike Ride since the stroke

Yesterday I was at PT and my Physical Therapist cleared me to ride the bike at my gym for 10 to 15 minutes at a resistance of 5. Kirk has to be with me the entire time, but it felt so wonderful to get back on a piece of gym equipment today! I was able to tolerate the bike for 10 minutes and ride 2 miles. My heart-rate remained stable and I only felt a little dizzy when I got off. It was a little emotional for me to walk back into the gym today since I have not been there since the stroke. I was thankful to ride the bike, but felt sad when I saw the other equipment that I used to workout on. However, I know one of these days I will be able to do all of that again. Kirk took photos to celebrate one of my milestones.

The Pumpkin Patch

Today we decided to venture out to the pumpkin patch. Kirk decided to take us to a patch right off Highway 18 because it was grassy and it would be an easy place for me to walk. It was a quick trip, but the kids each picked out a pumpkin and we took some cute photos. Enjoy!

Emotional Reunions and Reactions

Lately I have had several reunions with people since the stroke, and more reunions to come. It has been interesting to observe peoples' reactions the first time they look at me. I have been getting a lot of responses such as "Oh my Gosh Heidi you look good." I suspect that they anticipate me to have a drooping face and or body. Thankfully the stroke did not effect me like that, and I got to keep my long and newly colored hair at the time. I even walk perfectly as long as I walk looking straight ahead and I do not look around or look down. However, my fine motor skills are not that finely tuned and it is very apparent when I start to perform those tasks. The other day the PT was having me tap cones with my left foot and I either managed to knock down the cones or simply the cone never got tapped. It was so frustrating that I could not tap those stupid cones. Climbing or going down stairs also takes me a while because the left leg does not want to easily lift up. I'm really starting to begin to notice this since the headaches are a little bit controlled now.

The other night I also saw a large group of women, and some of them had not seen me since the stroke, I received many tearful hugs and it was difficult for me not to start to cry. I think the reality has set in with me that this really happened to me. When I'm at home, it is easy for me to forget about my limitations and often I find myself planning a "normal day" for myself. However, then I will be quickly reminded that I cannot do some of those things right now. However, I remind myself that eventually it will happen again. I'm thankful that my physical appearance looks the same because my brain is not the same. As a wise person once told me "Heidi you will not come out of this the same person." I'm beginning to discover and get to know myself again right now. Recently the Physical Therapist told me that after eight weeks they will for sure know what damage has been done and then they will work on reprogramming my brain and the reteaching begins.

The Prince and The Princess

Here is a photo of Zachary and Isabella before church. Kirk does a pretty awesome job choosing their clothes and helping them get ready for church.

Congrats to Kirk!

I decided that my husband must be genius (I hope I spelled that word right) Tonight he found out that he earned an A in his MBA course. This class started the day I was admitted into ICU, and concluded just this last Thursday. He stayed up all night last Wednesday night completing a 30 page paper and he earned a 99%! He was really shocked! He kept telling me that he would be lucky if he earned a B-; however, I knew that he would pull off at least an A-. His learning team was great and have been very supportive. We are down to only two classes Hooray!

Just us Girls Relaxing!

It is so hard not to pick up Isabella and just hold her, but since I have weight lifting restictions right now we have had to find other activities that we could do together. The other day I just had taken all of my medication and since all of the side-effects are drowiness and dizziness I have to rest for a couple of hours so Kirk grabbed my favorite levi quilt and drapped it over me, and Isabella watched and quickly grabbed her favorite stuffed toy and blanket and sat in the rocker right next to me.

Check out that SHOT!

Before all of this happened I had signed Zachary up for basketball because he loves it. Since basketball can be a noisy sport I had not been attending his games; however, last Monday before his game I had a CT scheduled at the hospital and Zachary begged me to come to his game so I took my pain medication and made it to his game. During the game Zachary shouted out to me that this shot was for me and he made it and Kirk was able to capture a snapshot of it.

Fall at Lake Washington

Since the sun was out we decided to take a drive up to Lake Washington and enjoy the water and the leaves on the trees. It was so relaxing for our family. Kirk and zachary took some snapshots of us. Enjoy!

The Neurologist update

I saw and met my Neurologist this past Thursday. He is the director of the headache clinic at Harborview, and is very smart plus has a nice bedside manner. I feel very blessed that I have been in capable hands during this journey. Here is the update:

1. No driving for at least another month. Real bummer and I cried about this but it could be a lot worse and I realize that I could be dead instead.

2. Intense Physical Therapy for the next three months. I have very poor balance on the left side and my left hand and arm are still a liitle numb. I am able to walk perfectly fine as long as I'm looking straight ahead; however, if I look around I lose my balance.


3. New Neuro meds which make me sleepy but I'm keeping my finger crossed that they help.

4. No bending over or lifting beyond 15 lbs. Shucks I'm still out of the laundry business and I cannot pick up toys, paper etc that the kids drop. I guess I have an excuse for the house to be a little untidy, but it is really starting to drive me crazy.

5. The CT showed no more bleeding on the brain; however, the covering that surrounds the brain is still inflamed and irritated so I still have headaches, but at least I know why.


6. The best news is I have a wonderful and supportive husband, and eventually I will make a full recovery it just going to take a lot of time and patience.

Certain TV shows are off limits for now.

Many of you know I'm addicted to Lifetime's "Army Wives" series. Last week, while I was at therapy my sweet husband drove over to Target and purchased season 5 on DVD. Throughout the week, I have been watching it and tonight one of the episode's showed a solider, who had been jumping out of airplanes, sitting in the ER's waiting room and while waiting he quickly stood up grabbed his head and in slurred speech said that his head was pounding and he could not feel his left side of his body. One of the nurse's on the show said, "The guy is having a stroke." Oh my word while I was watching this show tears streamed down my face, and I quickly became very emotional. What this man described was exactly what I told the medics and my speech was slurred too. Kirk quickly came in an turned off the TV and talked to me. After talking, I felt better. It is amazing how just a TV show can evoke so many emotions. I can honestly say that part of this recovery process is not only physical but also mental. I'm so thankful that I have a team of doctors and therapists who are able to care for me both physically as well as mentally.

Never Alone

The other day one of talented friend's played and sang the song "Never Alone" for me. She said that she found the song and wanted to sing it for me. We were able to find the song on my tube so this is the first song you will hear on the blog. This was very touching to me.

Brain Update

I can't believe how many appointments one can have in a day! This is what my life is made up of right now. Today I went to Physical Therapy and my physical therapist took me for a walk outside. It was nice to walk in the sunshine, but awkward to have a gait belt around waist in case if I fall. I felt so old and told my therapist that, but he said it is for safety. I came back in and they exercised my left arm, which is still a little numb and heavy. I also saw my internal medicine doctor, Dr. Lucy this week, and had the opportunity to see her for forty five minutes. She has been having me come to her office every 12 days and the visits are 45 minutes. She checks my blood pressure, vision, coordination, balance, heart, lungs, etc. Needless to say, we are getting to know her very well. This week we also received our first statement, and lets just say staying in ICU costs about 11,000 dollars a day. Thank heavens for insurance. Next Monday I'm scheduled for another CT scan followed by the Neurologist on Thursday. I'm still on all of my restrictions and Dr. Lucy prescribed a medication to help me with my balance and it has been working. I'm on a ton of medication, but I know that it will help me progress, and I'm grateful for medications. I also sleep for about 12 to 14 hours a day which helps the headaches and helps my brain heal.

On the bright side, yesterday I got the opportunity to spend four hours with my friend Shaunna and it was very nice. She's quiet and calm. I have never meant a more Christ-like woman in my life. It was a very uplifting visit. Today my friend Cindy came and took me out for a hour. Cindy has away of adding humor and spice to life. Tonight when Kirk was at class, my friend's daughter came over to care for Zachary and Isabella and they truly enjoyed their time with her. Next week many of my friends are helping me with my family. We have received so much love and support from family and friends and I really do not know how we are going to repay each of you. I'm still in shock that this happened. However, I recognize my blessings such as being alive, being able to swallow, being able to talk, walk, and all of my other abilities. This event has truly caused Kirk and I to reflect about life.

Tonight we received a card from some friends and I will share some of the thoughts that they shared with our family because it really sums everything up.

1. Dear Heidi and Kirk, "Hope lives around every corner, behind every cloud, inside every failure. Believe in hope. Look for it and you'll find it when you need it most."

2. Heidi and Kirk, "My family is here for you. Looking foreward to seeing your celebrations in the near future."

3. Dear Heidi and Kirk, "Thinking of you both as you continue on your journey through new challeges. Wish you energy, peace, strength, and rest. With the victory of having walked through the valley of the shawdow."

Please keep us keep us in your prayers and lets hope for a clean CT scan next week!

Life can sometimes be a real Headache!

Since three weeks has passed since the stroke, I'm beginning to embrace the headaches that I feel daily. Some hours are good while other hours I have to sleep. The past week, I have visited with some friends and one of them wanted to understand why this happened to me? I had to explain that the doctors do not know why a Perimesencecephalic hemorrhage happens to people and they will not ever know why. Many people have shared many reasons why this happened; however, they simply just do not know why this type of stroke happens. Right now I'm trying to embrace the fact that I did not cause or bring this on so I would kindly appreciate it if others would not speculate with me about the causes of this event, but instead help me focus on a positive recovery. I know when near fatal events happen people want to know and understand why because they are concerned about you, but I'm letting you know that sometimes there are simply no answers. Last night I was listening to women's conference and I read this quote it reads

"No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you, with an infinite love."—President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I know that my Heavenly Father has not forgotten me especially during this time in my life. I also know like many of you I would like to have answers to why this happened, but the answers are not there; however, I know my Father in Heaven along with many of you are there with me during my recovery progress. I think one of the trials of this stroke is embracing the fact that there are no answers, but over time the prognosis is good.

Family Time

Today we got together with my cousin Jeni and her kiddos. We went for a little walk on a boardwalk in Federal Way. It felt nice to get out and walk around today. I'm so happy that my cousin lives close by.

Slow Motion

Well it has been three weeks since the bleed, and I cannot believe how everything around me seems to be in slow motion. The other day I sat in a meeting at the school about Zachary and I found it difficult to process all of the information that was being shared with Kirk and I. However, Zachary's team was very good, and actually made sure eveything was in place for him. In fact Zachary's Speech Therpaist at the end of the meeting touched my hand and said, "Heidi I can tell that you are struggling with processing all of this information she then went on and shared with me how she experienced a brain bleed and the challenges and changes that it brought into her personal life. She said one thing about a brain bleed is that you never walk away the same person that you were before the bleed. I told her that I believed that and that I was working on coming to terms with that. The other day when I saw one of my doctor's she said "Heidi you are like a seed right now trying to sprout roots. Kirk and I together are also trying to process the whole event. The intial shock is over and now we are trying to gather up all of the scattered pieces so eventally we can put the puzzle together. The other day I was listening to the radio and I heard the song, "Just Breathe" and I thought that is what I must do right now. I will have to take one step and one day at a time and just breathe.

The Smile is slowly coming back

Today I went in and saw one of my doctor's who has been helping me and she said, "Well it looks like your beatiful smile is coming back." I told her the sun is shining in Seattle today so that is a great reason to smile! The headaches still exist along with some body pain, and of course the left side weakness. I feel like I'm in the body of a 70 year old instead of a 36 year old, but I remind myself to be patient and each day I'll be stronger. I'm so glad that Kirk has had the opportunity to be home with me for the next two weeks. I love him so deeply and he has been wonderful and supportive to me through all of this. I can see this has also been difficult for him, but he has been a real trooper.

Happy Moments

After going through a potentially fatal event nothing is more peaceful then holding a new life. Four weeks ago my cousin, who just moved here, gave birth to a baby girl named Melissa. Melissa was the first thing that I have got to hold since the stroke. It was very healing and peaceful. During this time I'm so grateful that my cousin lives so close by. She said the day she was flying from Alaska into Seattle she was watching from the plane all of the updates on facebook about what was happening. Ironically days before this happened I offered to come and meet her at the airport. However, luckily 11 days later we met at a park where I got to hold her new baby. As you can see zachary also loved baby Melissa.

Healthy Journey #2

One change that I have seen in myself since the stroke is it has made me really enjoy the small moments in life. Right now I have a lot of sit down time, but when I watch my children play it makes me thankful to be alive. Material things do not matter to me right now I just enjoy listening to my children laugh, cry, argue, and talk. I also truly enjoy just sitting back and listening to them talk about their lives. I look at them daily and thank God that he decided to not call home at this time, but instead he has allowed me to remain on earth fulfilling my purpose. Today the stroke has reminded me to live and love each precious moment of life!