The Summit

Another mountain climbed and another step closer in my recovery. What a week! The past seven days have brought several changes and developments. First off I'm doing another type of cognitive therapy to help my focus and attention, and it does not require the use of medication. I'm beginning to grasp how everything is tied into my midbrain and how the bleed has clogged up some of my canals and as a result I have vision stablization issues, which ties into my focus and attention. I also understand that my brain has no awareness of space which is why I feel off balance, dizzy, and not even recognize when I'm laying down that my head is crooked. It is not a wonder why I have headaches! I'm using my neck muscles for several accomdations, and it is helping my world feel normal but at a cost. So a variety of therapies will happen including more eye excercises, which I dislike! They also discovered that my eyes do not like to gaze down let alone track. I have been able to read, but once again at a cost. I have depended upon my neck muscles to accomdate for the vision pathways in my brain that have been lost from the bleed. My eyes also do not like to shift from side to side so instead I move my whole head to read. Another headache trigger! However, I must say I consider this as another summit that I have reached and at least I know answers to several of my why questions that I have wondered about for the past year. I feel like I have been blessed with all of my medical professionals and their expertise. Another positive step also happened this week. I decided to teach art for Zachary's and Isabella's school classes. My friend Becky is going to help me. Becky and I have known each other since our kiddos were in preschool. Both of our children had some special needs and we were always able to offer support to one another. Ironically about 15 years ago Becky suffered a brain trauma. There are not enough words to express my thankfulness to her. She is the one who encouraged me to do this activity with her. I believe that I needed this push. I just needed the "right" person to push me and she perfectly fit into my shoes for this activity.

Mount Rainier

So our intention was to go to Mud Mountain Dam that my PT told us about; however, we drove passed it and decided to go to Sunrise at Mount Rainier. It was a very pretty day and we really enjoyed our time. In fact, we enjoyed it so much we bought an annual pass to Mount Rainier.

Our School Girl

Isabella started preschool and she loves it! She's a peer model in the same preschool Zachary attended a few years ago. She's quickly making friends and is having a good time! I cannot believe she's in preschool now!

Academically the hardest achievement since the bleed

My teaching credential for the state of Idaho has been offically renewed! Washington's still current. It was very challenging for me this time to renew but I did it. Another milestone meant!

"Owning my story"

"Owning our story can be hard not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Only when we are brave enough to explore the power of darkness will we discover the infinite power of light." Brene' Brown "The Gifts of Imperfection"

Cognitive therapy has been challenging! It has caused me to reflect of the many changes I now face in my life. I'm now developing an awareness of who I am now and whom I desire to become. It is truly embracing my brain and recognizing the changes that have occured during the past 12 months. This is the list that I shared with my speech therapist today.

1. I used to be able to juggle it all but those days are gone.

2. I need to sleep 10 to 12 hours a day now.

3. I shut down when there is too much stimulation. I lose my ability to form intelligent sentences, problem solve, and inteact with others.

4. I have to conserve my energy.

5. I know some of my abilities have changed but not my expectations and as a result I have melt downs.

6. I need short periods of activity alternated with longer rest periods.

7. Do not over plan my brain!

8. Recovery is life long not limited to two years.

9. Acceptance does not mean that I'm giving up. Accepting what happened means my life is different then it used to be.

10. I want to continue to build resiliency with positive emotions.

Neurologist Update

I saw my Neurologist last week here is the update.

1. Blood pressure good the beta blocker is helping a lot!
2. For part of my therapy I will be going to a clinic out in Issaquah called "My Fast Brain" to help me with attention and concentration issues.
3. Continued Cognitive Rehab with Speech. My deductive reasoning has improved from nine months ago we are now working on mental organzation
4. Continued neck therapy in PT. The bleed did effect my neck, which as a result contributes to headaches.

Currently reading a book called Scattered but Smart. This seems to describe my attention issues.

Doctor Updates

Saw Internal Med last week Blood Pressure stable and I got a call today my thyroid is high so we will readjust medication.

I see Speech tomorrow for cognitive rehab.

Still in PT working on becoming stronger and working with my neck.

I see my Neurologist on Thursday.

2nd Grade

"Mom not another photo" words spoken by Zachary Zach is now in 2nd grade. He said that he has "the best teacher" he really is enjoying it.

Ballet

Isabella is now taken ballet lessons. She loves it and is doing awesome! She has a recital in December which she is excited about!

Happy New Year!

For the anniversary of the bleed we took the family down to the Oregon Coast to celebrate our new year of life! Enjoy our photos!

Photos of the Coast

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away..."

In honor of celebrating life, we choose to celebrate it early and together as a couple. August 31st will mark the one year anniversary of what I like to call our "Beautiful Heartbreak" Even though the brain bleed was rough, during the past year, we have experienced moments that I have taken our breath away. We would like to share some of these moments and while some of these moments may seem small they have been true large moments for our family.




1. Meeting Dr. Peter Boulski Even though he firmly told me my condition could be "fatal" he was very smart and my brain was in good hands.

2. The ICU Nurses were wonderful and even though I could not get out of bed they found away to wash my hair and helped me feel half human again.

3. Holding my cousin's new baby a week after I came home from the hospital.

4. All of the many people who helped us and brought in meals, took care of our children, took care of me, and helped Kirk complete is Master's degree

5. Meeting Dr. Piker who brought relief to my headaches.

6. Meeting and still working with all of my therapists, and the progress that they have helped me make and continue to make.

7. Grandpa Walker passing away and Kirk leaving for Idaho and the kids and I staying at my friend Laura's house.

8. Kirk's Graduation

9. My Grandpa passing away on Valentine's Day. My heart truly broke that day and I miss him every day.

10. Passing my Driver's assesment with the OT.

11. Being alive to celebrate Isabella's 4th Birthday

12. Celebrating Mother's Day

13. Being alive to celebrate and attend Zachary's 8th Birthday and Baptism.

14. Learning about the cognitive damage my brain bleed caused and what to do about it.

15. Going to the gym.

16. Going to the beach with my children and having fun.

17. Watching Zachary swim for the first time.

18. Losing my Aunt Ellen and my Great-Aunt Beth

19. Reading and being able to relate to the lady who wrote the book "My Stroke of Insight"

20. Feeling my left side get a little bit stronger each month and my brain a little more sharper each month.

21. Getting to love and embrace my new brain and life!

Views from Alki Beach

This is why I love the Seattle area!

Only in Seattle

Kirk and I were on a date in Seattle the other night and look what we saw! We had to take a photo of the car for Zach. He was very impressed. What an artistic car!

The Olympic Pool

The kids took swimming lessons at the place where they held the Olympic try outs for diving. Here are photos of them with their swim teacher Taylor in the OLympic pool. They were the only two kiddos to go swimming over there with Taylor. Since the water was about 17.5 feet deep, they wore life jackets.

Test Results

I got my test results back from the Neuropsychlogist today. She started off by telling me that I did well in most areas, and I was intelligent. Always nice to hear after they have used the word "brain damage" in various appointments! However, the brain is very complex and I'm learning something new weekly about my brain. The area that I have a problem in is attention. The testing revealed that I have difficulty in the "frontally-mediated aspects of cognition" This includes sustained attention, speed of informatin processing, sequencing, inhibition, and novel problem solving. These problems are typical for me to have since my brain bleed was in the midbrain close to the brain stem, and there are several canals that help fire all of this stuff off. Bottom line the problems are similar to a person who has ADHD/ADD.

Here is the plan:

1. Weekly cognitive rehabilitation therapy for as long as possible to help improve sustained attention, mental organization, and executive functions of the brain. A psychlogist and speech-language therapist will do this. Thankfully both are in place and the psychlogist who I see works closely with children and adults who have ADD/ADHD. Once again I saw God's hand in my life! I feel very blessed that I do not have to go out and find the right psychlogist and speech therapist.

2. They will also work on the emotional distress this whole event caused. The recovery is a roller-coaster ride, and the bleed has changed a lot of life dynamics. The biggest hurdle is personally as well as my family adapting and embracing my new brain. It takes a lot of time and patience. Kirk and I now have a quiet spot near a local lake that we go to and just sit down and reflect. Often times in life and death situations you live moment to moment and you do not have time to stop and reflect about what happened because you are just trying to get through the day. Now close to a year we are realizing what happened and how it has impacted us as family for the good and the bad, and it is important for us to talk about it and process. We also recognize and are grateful for what could have happened, but did not.

3. Physical Therapy will continue as well. Evidently the bleed impacted my neck so there is more therapy that needs to be done.

4. I will have eight to ten hours of sleep a night plus a 2 hour nap once a day. "The Napping House" as Isabella has coined it will remain in place.

5. Various accomodations will be added to my life. Dr. Lundy will help me in this area. The Neuro-Psy has given me a list of 15 accomadations.

6. Last but not least time will continue to fly by for me I now have speech, PT, psychlogy, a neurologist, and a internal med doctor. I'm planning on an average of four appointments a week.

The Neuro-Psy has given me another year for my brain to continue to make progress and by next year the brain goes into a flat line so I need to make the most of it in the next 12 months. Not to say that after this I cannot continue to progress it will just be a lot more challenging.

Will update and report all of the therapies progress!

Dash Point Beach

Today the kids and I went to a beach that was near the elementary school that I used to teach at. It was a very pretty day and the beach was quiet today. The kiddos loved running through the water and playing in the sand. When we came home, the kiddos were very sandy so they had early baths, and hopefully an early bedtime tonight!