Being Mindful Another lesson that I'm trying to grasp since the bleed

"Mindfulness is a way of being present with what is happening to me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually right now."



Mindful is the word I'm grasping onto right now.  Some may know or others may not know, but a few nights back I had a bad fall.  I was coming home from the grocery store and was carrying three bags, and feeling dizzy I decided to take the wet grass instead of the walk way, and guess what? I lost my balance and sprained my left ankle and knee.  This is the same ankle that I broke a few years ago and the left side is also the side that was effected by the brain bleed.  Needless to say, we had a trip to the ER where the doctor ran an EKG, a CT scan, and a lot of x-rays on my leg.  Thankfully nothing was broken, but I'm still having trouble and walking and it hurts!  While I was in the ER, I met a very kind and wise x-ray tech who took the time to briefly visit with me.  She shared with me how her sister has a very painful disease and it has changed her life style, and one way her sister was coping with this hardship was by being mindful.  She told me she really wanted me to roll that word around in my brain, and to really stop and think about how I had to adjust my life now since the bleed.  For example, not carrying in bags of groceries, wearing good shoes, recognizing when I'm dizzy and fatigued.  Since my entire left leg has hurt for the past four days, I have had time to sit and really think about that word, and practice applying to my life.  I also recognize how profoundly important it is for me to really keep working on my attention skills so that I'm able to focus and stop and recognize how I'm feeling and what I am doing.  Here are the examples

1.  Went to the ENT doctor yesterday evidently now the bleed has effected my hearing and they want to do surgery.  After the surgery is done I could have weeks of being dizzy, not that I don't already experience this.  It also has some risks, and I will eventually have to have the surgery, but it is not critical right now so I was mindful and Kirk and I decided to wait.  I shared with Kirk that right now emotionally I'm exhausted and I have been through enough for now.  I will consider the surgery in the next 6 to 12 months.  Heaven only knows I do not need any other issues or health related problems right now.

2.  When my leg is hurting, recognizing that I need to sit and rest it for a while, and not worrying about getting the housework done right now.

3.  Currently we are also advocating for Zachary to get writing services at school.  I have recognized that Zach needs help in this area, and I have had to gather a lot of information from the school, but I recognize that all of the advocating is a lot of work and Kirk and I have chosen to hire Dr. Gayle Fay to come and talk to the school about Zachary's needs. 

Overall, I'm learning that bleed has changed my life and I consistently need to be mindful about how I am doing.  I know that I have been striving so hard to get back to where I was at prior to the bleed, but in ways that is living in the past and it is not living in the present.  Presently, I should not be hauling in groceries from the car, and when I'm dizzy I need to sit down.  Mindfulness is the word!