My New Style of Living

As many of you are aware late last December, I embarked on a journey that would dramatically change my lifestyle and forever change my life. This journey has been fulfilling and also challenging; however, I'm very thankful to have had this opportunity. Ironically, I guess what I'm saying is that I'm thankful that I have had the challenge of dealing with what I call "weighty issues" in my life.

In life we all experience times of joy, excitement, sorrow, and loss. I have had many blessings in my life such as being married to a wonderful husband, whom I have been married to for 11 years, having two wonderful children, and being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. However, there have also been times of sadness and loss in my life, which created a heavy dark cloud that seemed to have overcome me. When this cloud started to shade my life, I truly believed that if I remained strong and determined that the cloud would lift and a ray of sunshine would enter into my soul creating a warm and enriching environment. Needless to say, no matter what I did the cloud would not lift, and my life became out of control. Frequently, I would ask myself, "why me?" When in reality, the depression was taking over, and I was trying to fix it on my own instead of embracing that I can make the best of my environment, but I have no control over my brain chemistry and depression is very much a real illness, and I need medication to help even out my brain waves. Since, I have faithfully taken my medication, I got a yearning to begin taking care of myself, which included a healthy diet and exercise. However, the hardest part of this journey has been figuring out why food was comforting to me. It has not been easy to figure out whyI had unhealthy eating patterns, and it sure has not happened over night. Needless to say, I have been really figuring out my triggers and my emotions and this has helped me the most. I have also been reading a book titled "Running with Angels" and like the author of that book I have also been running with angels, and it has been one the most enriching activities of my life.

Through this journey, I have learned that I need to love me. Yes I'm a wife, mother, caretaker, special education teacher, friend, member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and many other roles that women play in life, but I need to love and take care of me. I have also learned to "sweat it off". When I become upset or discouraged, I go to the gym and I really workout, and after all of the toxins leave my body I feel renewed and cleansed. I love this feeling! Another thing that I learned is that when your new physical and mental body are revealed to others they are taken back along with you. It is very difficult at times to accept your new body, and shopping for new clothes can be frustrating because you are not always clear about what size that you are in. I have also received comments from people that say you must be on a diet pill or had a gastric bypass, and I always answer "no" I do not believe in that because weight and body image is a life long change, and it is also very personal and mental, and sorry folks no diet pill or surgery is going to heal you emotionally.

My relationship with food has also dramatically changed. I now view food as a survival item that my body needs, and not as a reward for accomplishing a great work. Instead my reward is a healthy body. I make sure that I receive regular check-ups from my doctor, and as long as my lab work is great then I'm great regardless of what I weigh, and I also prefer to have relationships with people rather than food. And folks do not get me wrong I occasionally have a small piece of cake or a few goldfish crackers which I love, but it is proportioned.

Well folks it has been seven months, and I'm still going even though at times it is hard and I do not feel like excercising some days. However, I'm able to do the eleptical six days a week for 65 minutes at a resistence of 10, and then hop on the treadmill and run one mile in 10 minutes. I never thought I would enjoy running, but I'm learning to love it. There is something empowering when you run and I hope to partcipate in a few marathons in the very near future.

Finally, I would like to tell people that if you struggle with Depression please seek help and know that you are not alone. It is a very real illness and sometimes like myself we just need the right medication and support of good people to help jump-start us. I would also like to dedicate this post to My Father in Heaven, my Savior Jesus Christ, my husband Kirk, my children , my doctor Dr. Lucy, and many wonderful friends who have encouraged me and supported me. I have been blessed with several angels in my life and I intend to keep running with the angels one day at a time!